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Native Speaker - Demo

from The Quarantine Demos by Feral

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about

One night I was hanging out with my roommates and we were talking about recent hook ups. My roommate Sam (shout out!) mentioned that "sex feels the most natural with the person you did it with first, because that's how you learned it."

I couldn't shake what she said, and it stirred a feeling deep inside me. Why had I hated sleeping around so much? Why did it never feel right, no matter how many times I tried it with countless partners? Her words hit me and decided to write the feelings into a song.

I started with the chorus, then left it for a few months, trying to find the best way to articulate my feelings. Finally the verses came and I had a complete piece. It was the only way I could figure out how to express the grief for losing intimacy and sex forever, something that I used to love so much. I've never found another Native Speaker. This is the best song I've ever written.

lyrics

We're living in a fascist state
but I still go on dinner dates
everybody seems the same:
just a hometown, and some hobbies
and their body in my body
then they leave, and they don't call me
My first love was hotter than hell,
now I screw losers in a twin XL
They don't make love, they only make haste
pretend I didn't finish, save some face

And when they touch me,
I can tell they learned how to do this
with someone else's body
I can feel their love for other women on me
And I hope you curse your new lovers with the same
I hope my memory crawls on their skin while they're saying your name
cause you and I wrote our language of love together
and you are the one
and I'm missing the tongue
of my native speaker

I know I am a total mess
and my songs don't pass the Bechdel test
everyday seems the same:
another memory, and your anatomy,
every thought of you is a traumatic brain injury
Are you scared of what you've done to me?
You're poisoned by that ivy, never again to be inside me
So you make me waste my life,
still in love with someone that I don't even like

And when they touch me,
I can tell they learned how to do this
with someone else's body
I can feel their love for other women on me
And I hope you curse your new lovers with the same
I hope my memory crawls on their skin while they're saying your name
cause you and I wrote our language of love together
and you are the one
and I'm missing the tongue
of my native speaker

And you are a modern king
and I am the counter culture uprising
and I wish I was fine after all of this time
but I'm still suffering

Because when other people touch me,
I can tell they learned how to do this
with someone else's body
I can feel their love for other women on me
And I hope you curse your new lovers with the same
I hope my memory crawls on their skin while they're saying your name
cause you and I wrote our language of love together
and you are the one
and I'm missing the tongue
of my native speaker

credits

from The Quarantine Demos, released March 31, 2020

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Feral Los Angeles, California

a song is a time capsule of pain <3

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